Over the last few days it just so happens that I have seen people who I haven’t seen for a while. Each one has taken the time to comment on how I look well; some have mentioned that I look as if I’ve lost weight. I haven’t funnily enough – according to the scales I am still within a pound or two of where I started. I have, however, very much enjoyed the compliments – who doesn’t?
I look in the mirror every day – when I get dressed, when I brush my hair or put make up on; I check my reflection when I’m washing my hands and I even take a sneaky look when I pass windows or car doors and that’s before I count the number of selfies I take where I, once again, am looking at myself. I’m not trying to win a vanity contest here but it did occur to me that I see myself a lot during an average day.
When you see something everyday you don’t really look. Not properly. You look superficially or you glance. The look is often fleeting – it happens all the time when people see our surname written down. They always add in an “r” which does not exist. They glance and fill in the blanks because they are looking but they are not seeing.
When you see someone you haven’t seen for a while you look more closely. You take them in and you notice things if they’ve changed. Today I decided to look properly at myself – to look but also to see. Here’s what I saw:
I saw someone who still had energy at 9pm.
I saw someone who didn’t crash into a glass of wine as soon as the children were asleep.
I saw someone who is proud of themselves and probably talks too much about running now but hopes that she will calm down again soon.
I saw someone who is excited to get up early and exercise before the rest of the house is awake.
I saw someone who has surprised herself.
I saw someone who still can’t say no to Jaffa Cakes but doesn’t feel guilty about eating all 10 in one go anymore.